Emie
Payen has an ease to her cadence and a subdued sense of humor that
belies the struggles, losses and health crises she has endured most of
her life. It is a disposition forged by gratitude — Ms. Payen, 55, never
expected to live past her mid-30s.
At
age 14, she developed lupus. While researching the disease, Ms. Payen
read a passage in a medical book that convinced her that she had only 20
years to live.
“I said, ‘Wow,’ ” Ms. Payen recalled. “When I passed 20 years, I said: ‘Let me see. I’ll keep going.’ ”
Growing
up, she had plans of becoming a doctor like her father, who constantly
regaled his family at the dinner table with emergency room tales. Lupus
curtailed those dreams.
“I
knew I wouldn’t be able to study as a doctor, be on my feet all day,
many sleepless nights,” Ms. Payen said. “What’s the next best thing?
Nursing! I could still do what I want.”
Ms.
Payen began her nursing career in 1983. A year later, she gave birth to
her only child, a son, Francis Payen; she and her husband saw him as a
miracle. Ms. Payen had been told that her weakened immune system would
make it difficult to have a child; she had previously miscarried.
Continue reading the main story
The 103rd annual campaign of The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund
runs through Jan. 23. Each profile illustrates the stories of those who
benefited from the fund and show the difference that even a modest
amount of money can make.
The Neediest Cases
The 103rd annual campaign of The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund
runs through Jan. 23. Each profile illustrates the stories of those who
benefited from the fund and show the difference that even a modest
amount of money can make. | 2014–15 Campaign | |
|---|---|
| Previously recorded: | $1,914,392 |
| Recorded Dec. 9: | $5,700 |
| Total: | $1,920,092 |
| Last year to date: | $2,107,250 |
“My son gave me a hard time keeping him,” Ms. Payen said.
Francis
was born prematurely, at 28 weeks, but Ms. Payen said she had never
worried about his survival. She had a dream before he was born, she
said, that told her she would have a son and be allowed to raise him.
Three years later, Ms. Payen’s husband died. Her mother helped shoulder the child-rearing duties.
In 1993, worsening health issues made Ms. Payen leave nursing.
“I wish I still could work, because it’s beautiful,” she said. “I loved working. I have no problem with the patients.”
Lupus
attacked her kidneys. She received a kidney transplant in 1995. Then
there were additional health problems. Severe neuropathy resulted in the
amputation of some of her fingertips. Fifteen years ago, a valve in her
heart collapsed. In 2011, she developed breast cancer, and underwent a
mastectomy and chemotherapy.
But
Ms. Payen has always bounced back. She recalled her recovery from a hip
operation: “One day I went to the bathroom and said: ‘That’s funny.
Something is missing. What is it? It’s the walker.’ I walked from my bed
without it. I was so happy.”
The same thing happened with a cane; one day she was hobbled, and the next, revitalized.
Still,
much of Ms. Payen’s time is consumed by doctors. Her day planner is
covered in scrawled ink, reminders of medical appointments she must keep
nearly every day. Ms. Payen, who still has kidney problems, also
undergoes dialysis three times a week, and is back on the waiting list
for a kidney transplant.
She supports herself with $1,590.70 in monthly Social Security
disability payments and $15 a month in food stamps. In 1992, she
learned that she owed $5,000 to the Internal Revenue Service, and she is
paying it back with interest, in addition to paying her credit card
bills.
Two
years ago, Ms. Payen’s son, facing strains in his marriage, moved into
her apartment in Rosedale, Queens, with the understanding that he would
contribute to the rent of $1,250. Ms. Payen helped him pay for repairs
to his car, she said, but he rarely gave her any money.
With other bills and unexpected repair costs for her own car, she fell behind on her rent.
“To
me, he’s still my baby,” she said. “That’s my link to my husband. If I
can do something for him, I’m happy. He doesn’t have to pay it back to
me.”
In
September, Catholic Charities Brooklyn and Queens, one of the agencies
supported by The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund, used $600 from the
fund to help Ms. Payen with her rent arrears. She put up the remaining
$650. Catholic Charities Brooklyn and Queens also allotted $106.32 to
help pay Ms. Payen’s Consolidated Edison bill.
Francis moved out of her home in July. Ms. Payen remains in touch with him, as well as her two grandchildren.
Her finances are still troubled, and her health troubles carry on. But so does Ms. Payen.
“I live each day as it comes,” she said.
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